The 21st Century SAHM

“Do you have to go potty?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

“No, you don’t have to go? Or no, you are not sure?”

“I don’t have to pee!”

“Okay.”

2 minutes later, from the other room: “I peed.”

Upon leaving a play date this morning….

Walk outside into parking lot in 100 degree heat with toddler and crying baby, who is overdue for nap. Toddler climbs into van while I load baby into car seat and strap her in. Start car to get air conditioning going. Fold up and load stroller into back of van. Walk around to other side of van and help toddler get into his seat. Strap him in.

“I am peeing.”

“Did you already pee in your pants? Or do you need to pee?”

“I need to pee.”

Sigh.

“Okay, you need to hold it for a minute okay?”

“Okay.”

Unstrap toddler and help him out of seat. Walk around to back of van, take stroller back out. Unload baby (now screaming), load her into stroller, turn off car. Walk back into building to bathroom. Since toddler insists being completely naked before peeing, his shoes need to come off first. One shoe off, other shoe off, shorts off, underwear off. While holding him up on potty,

“I don’t have to pee.”

Carting around two small people under the age of 3 has taught me that among many other things, mothers have to be experts at logistics. I am not talking about multi-tasking — i.e.: having dinner cooking, catching up with a girlfriend via phone that you have not talked to in months, doing a load of laundry, keeping the kids entertained, and cleaning up the kitchen to make room for the new mess — all at the same time — that’s a given.

Mothers also need to anticipate and prepare for the logistics of any and all situations.

And, you guessed it, this story will relate to potty-training…

My 7-month old recently graduated up to sitting in the front of the shopping cart — therefore moving out of the car seat that was previously taking up 87% of the main section of the cart. While this has made the arduous task of grocery shopping much easier, it also provides a logistical challenge when my 2-year old son needs to use the potty at said grocery store. Luckily I anticipated this dilemma on the drive over and began brainstorming…

How was I going to hold the baby while simultaneously helping him hop up onto a regular sized potty, hold his skinny little self to prevent him from falling in, and also help him point his penis down to avoid the pee-spray? The shopping cart does not fit in the bathroom, and I cannot put her down on the floor. (How many other children have done the pee-spray on that floor? I can only imagine. Gross.) Before her big move into the front of the cart, I could have put her entire car seat on the bathroom floor, but I am enjoying this new life without that monster too much to regress. So…. two options: put her in the stroller, go inside of store to bathroom, pee, return stroller to car, go back into store, load into cart and shop (causing an extra trip back and forth to car in 100 degree heat). Or: carry her in Bjorn, go inside of store to bathroom, pee, go get cart and shop. I decided on option #2 despite this allowing her close enough proximity to touch the public toilet seat while I was crouched down in front of him on the potty. Thank goodness for hand sanitizer.

Now despite me proudly labeling myself as a logistical guru, I have yet to solve this one final obstacle:

Since the actual temperature outside is 100 degrees, Mommy is also pumping herself full of water. Any chance she can relieve her bladder while out of the house? Ever? Ha.

It’s all about the logistics.