February 13, 2015
As I was wiping the butt of my 3rd child today, I realized what truly defines a mother. I was changing what is likely my 12,703rd diaper, when it dawned on me. I had reached into the wipe container, reached waaaay down, and learned that I had one single solitary wipe left. The big kids were off playing on the IPad somewhere and conveniently did not hear my calls to them for help. And the toddler was naked and squirmy and covered in poop and I knew I had about 17 seconds left of cooperation from him. We had gone through ALL of the animals on Old MacDonald’s farm. We are on to wild animals like elephants and alligators, and Old MacDonald’s farm was starting to look disturbing. Clearly nobody was coming to my aid. Then, out of the dire situation I was in, I had my epiphany: a mother’s true value is determined not by how well she carries her baby during pregnancy, or if she nurses or bottle feeds, or if she makes her own baby food, or if she home-schools. Her true test of motherhood is how many times she can fold that last wipe and clean an entire butt with it. That is it. That is the great test of motherhood.