If you have a little girl, were once a little girl, or know a little girl in any capacity, you might be familiar with my streamlined 25-step plan of getting her ready to… well, do anything at all.
- Announce that you’ll be doing something the next day. The event can be going to the mailbox or flying to Disney World. Doesn’t matter.
- Suggest she choose her outfit then, the night before.
- Allow 3.5 hours for outfit choosing.
- Understand that she’ll request the flowy Elsa shirt. (NOT the white one with glittery Elsa. The other white one. The FLOWY one.)
- Search house for said Elsa shirt. Find it in dryer. Breathe sigh of relief.
- Watch child lay entire outfit on her floor, as if a body were there, complete with headband at top and bracelets where a wrist would be. Try not to shudder at the creepiness.
- Put child to bed.
- In the morning, wake her up and ask her to get dressed.
- Prepare yourself for an entire outfit change, as her mind somehow will have recreated the perfect outfit for the day in her sleep.
- Begin searching for newly requested glittery Elsa shirt and purple leggings. (Light purple. Not those. Need the ones with lace at the ankle.)
- Locate Elsa shirt and leggings. Beg her to get dressed.
- Accept her sadness that the headband now does not match and a new hairstyle is imminent.
- In an attempt at maintaining your fleeting sanity, agree that this outfit requires a braid and no headband. (A fishtail. Because obviously, Mom.)
- Do your best forming her 11 strands of hair into a suitable braid.
- Sigh with relief that she is finally dressed.
- Attempt to leave house. Ask her where her shoes are.
- Realize what you’ve done and whisper, “Idiot!” to yourself, as she heads upstairs for her favorite boots.
- Wait 39 minutes.
- Watch her re-emerge in an entirely new outfit because “those boots didn’t match.”
- See that her braid is a mess, as a result of the outfit change. Say nothing and pray.
- Hear her ask if she can “quickly grab a purse?” and say yes, hoping this means she won’t notice her hair.
- Reheat and drink an entire cup of coffee while she loads a purse with 27 shopkins.
- Greet her with joy as she reappears, proudly stating she is “ready to go!”
- Watch her scoot into the bathroom for a final check, at which point she screams in horror at the state of her fishtail braid.
- Cry.
Very simple. Easy to follow. You’re welcome.
Eerily accurate!
Ha! Yeah. 🙂
I especially enjoyed when my daughter decided pink was no longer her “signature color.” I refuse to re-outfit her wardrobe in the color of the week, so she wears the same thing over and over again, which makes things go faster but I think other mothers are starting to wonder if we’re poor. Oh well. At least we get out of the house in 5 steps.
Signature color. HA!!!!