My poor 3-year-old gets blamed for everything, which isn't his fault. But he does dictate the outcome of every single event throughout the day... so...

The rough life of the 3-year-old. He gets blamed for everything, which isn’t really fair. He is 3 and not truly responsible for, well, anything. Yet somehow, 90% of the time, he is the determining factor of whether something is a success or total failure.

Therefore, I believe I can respond to almost every question with “I have a 3-year-old.” I am not blaming him, but merely explaining that, well, he’s the reason for almost everything. Which is somehow different than blame. I don’t know quite how yet.

For example…

1. Why are you late?

I have a 3-year-old.

2. Why is this wet?

I have a 3-year-old.

3. Why are you crying?

I have a 3-year-old.

4. Why is he crying?

He’s a 3-year-old.

5. Why is this broken?

I have a 3-year-old.

6. Why does it look like it was put back together with tape, glitter glue, and Q-tips?

Oh, yeah. I have a 3-year-old.

7. Why can’t you come over?

I have a 3-year-old.

8. How many glasses of wine have you had?

Shut up. I have a 3-year-old.

9. What was that noise?

The 3-year-old.

10. Why do you look like you’ve been run over by a truck hauling angry chickens?

I have a 3-year-old.

11. Why is the toilet clogged?

Sigh. I have a 3-year-old.

12…with a plastic Ninja Turtle?

That was probably the 3-year-old.

13. Why is there butter on the stairs?

I have a 3-year-old.

14. How are we out of bubble liquid? We just bought some yesterday.

Because we have a 3-year-old.

15. Do you want to meet the baby?

Probably not a good idea. I have a 3-year-old.

16. What is on the wall right there?

Boogers. I have a 3-year-old.

17. Where are all the marker caps?

Um, I have a 3-year-old.

18. What’s that smell?

My 3-year-old.

19. Why aren’t you having any more kids?

Have you met my 3-year-old?

20. Who makes you laugh and smile all day long? 

My 3-year-old.

7 thoughts on “I Have a 3-year-old. Enough Said.

  1. LOVE THIS! Nailed it.

  2. Sam says:

    Aww I love this. I would like to add the following:

    Where are your car keys?
    As well as…
    Why is all the good chocolate locked in a fireproof safe hidden beneath a creaky floorboard guarded by the three-headed dog “Fluffy” from Harry Potter?

    Lol great post!

    1. Ha!!! Yes. I love your brain.

  3. I was going to comment with something witty- but there are strange noises coming from the other room and I have a three year old.

    1. Ha! Good luck with that! That’s a fun game… Let’s see what you got into…

  4. Ali Solomon says:

    Couldn’t agree more.

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