If you have kids of different genders, you may have noticed how differently they feel about the ridiculousness that is Valentines Day.Ah, yes. February 14. St. Valentine, the patron saint of making everyone feel loved (or unloved) and riddled with anxiety that they’ll disappoint their significant other. Like many aspects of parenting, this day is viewed quite differently in my house—a house where both boys and girls live. Here’s the breakdown of how to prepare, celebrate, and react to this ridiculous super special meaningful holiday if you’re a girl vs. a boy.

(Warning: stereotypes ahead. It’s okay. Have a chuckle.)

Valentines Day Prep

If you have kids, chances are you’ve helped them make the “box.” It’s supposed to be a cute receptacle in which other kids’ valentines can be delivered. Here’s how that goes.

Boys:

Materials needed: shoebox and one crayon

Refuse to acknowledge a box is needed until 7 pm the night before.

Write name on shoebox with one crayon. Say “I’m done.”

Girls:

Materials needed: several shoeboxes (to allow for practice runs and/or errors in sticker placement), 3 bottles of glue (plain), 3 bottles of glue (glitter), 5 sticker sheets, ream of shiny “fancy paper”, markers, crayons, colored pencils, popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners, pom-poms (small, medium, and large), magical fairy dust, 5 strands of unicorn hair, gas for 3 trips to Michaels

Painstakingly construct box and create elaborate design over a period of 52 hours.

Cry because it’s not perfect.

Make it again. And again.

Purchasing and Addressing of Valentines 

You also must either purchase or make 20+ valentines in preparation for the “big exchange.” Your boy(s) might be a tad underwhelmed by this task in comparison to your girl(s).

Boys:

Scan shelves of valentines for 3.5 seconds. Make choice. Ask if we are all done. Once you’ve returned home, quickly write your classmates’ names in barely legible chicken scratch. Upon the completion of the final name, beg to play Minecraft.

Girls:

Spend 90 minutes poring over the valentines selection at Target. After 60 minutes, have your choices narrowed down to 3. Finally make your decision with slow, deep breaths.

Address each valentine in hot pink marker with curly-q lettering. Use a heart each time you have to dot an i. Fasten each one closed with a perfectly aligned heart sticker and dab of glitter. Hum with merriment throughout entire process.

Valentines Day Attire

Your teachers may even suggest festive colors like red, pink or white. The appropriate responses to this are as follows.

Boys:

Wear whatever shirt / pant combo is on the top layer of your dresser drawer. When your mother suggests you change into something red, shrug and grunt.

Girls:

The night before the big event, lay out every pink shirt / skirt / dress / leggings / hair bow / necklace / bracelet / socks combination on your bedroom floor. Choose outfit and accessories and then change your mind 865 times.

Post-Valentines Day Response

Once the festivities have commenced and you return home after school, your offspring of different genders may react slightly differently with their newfound loot in hand.

Boys:

Detach any candy or other “cool” stuff that is worthy of keeping like tattoos or glow sticks. Throw everything else away by 4:00 that afternoon.

Girls:

Seal each and every valentine in a special keepsake box to be kept for all eternity. When your mother attempts to discard them 6 months later, shriek in horror because they are all “so, so special.” Even the one from that nameless boy you’ve never played with.

And that’s how you celebrate Valentines Day if you’re a girl. (And how to barely acknowledge it, if you’re a boy.)

 

 

I have never felt more unified with my fellow Americans as I did at the women's march. Love for all. Equal rights for all. That's how WE will unite under this administration.

They told us to shut up. They told us to sit down. They told us that even though he says he can grab a woman, and even though the most anti-LGBTQ politician in the country is his VP, and even though he mocked a person with a disability, and even though he threatened a registry for Muslims, and even though he said a woman who has an abortion should be punished…

That we should give him a chance.

That we should wait and “see what he does.”

That we are whiners. Privileged women who don’t appreciate how “good we have it.”

And in response, we said FUCK THAT. And we marched. All 2.9 million of us around the world.

I was part of something on Saturday, January 21. It was a day I will never forget. It was a day of positivity and optimism and unity.

Yes, unity.

To those who say we are creating a greater divide by protesting, and that we should work to unify under our new president, I say it sounds like you and I have a different definition of that word.

Because I have never felt more united with my fellow Americans than I did at our local women’s march. And not just to women—because our rally was full of men and children as well. We all united together.

A Jewish rabbi gave an impassioned speech in which he committed to standing alongside his Christian brothers and sisters and his Muslim brothers and sisters. He vowed that if our new president demands a registry for Muslims in the way that Jews have been forced to register in the past, that he will stand with them.

That’s unity. Continue Reading

There are a few basic types of moms at school drop-off. There's working mom, gym mom, other gym mom, and doesn't give a shit mom.

Now that I am several years into being a “school mom,” I have observed that there are several categories (and subcategories) of moms who drop their kids off at school.

Category 1: The Working Mom

I envy her but I don’t envy her. I envy how put together she looks in her Ann Taylor clothes. I envy that her hair is actually blow-dried. I don’t envy that I know she has been up since 4:30 am. And not like I have often been “up” since 4:30 am, with a screaming teething baby, half asleep in the rocking chair with baby snoozing on my chest, a small spittle of drool dripping down my chin. I mean that mom has been UP since 4:30. Running around, getting herself ready, her kids ready, hopefully not also her husband ready. But she looks amazing and I… do not.

Categories 2 and 3 require, in my opinion, subcategories.

Category 2(a): The Gym Mom

This mom clearly goes directly to the gym after drop-off. EVERY SINGLE DAY. How do I know this? Because she is dressed in $85 Lululemon pants and matching work-out tank (also made of some sort of fancy lycra… something). This mom is in phenomenal shape. She rocks those Lululemons and with good reason.

Although I have often dropped my kids off in work-out attire, I am in no position to join category 2(a). Hence, the need for category 2(b).

Category 2(b): The Other “Gym” Mom

This mom is making an effort. She is wearing her work-out clothes because she knows that the chances are greater that she WILL actually work out today if she starts the day dressed for exercise. However, she wears cotton running shorts that she has had since college. She graduated 14 years ago. She also wears a cotton top of some sort. It may be an old tank top from Walmart. It is likely stained. It may be the t-shirt she received as an “award” for running that 5k… that one time. She does Continue Reading